#13 F-ing Shiny People

Episode 13 in the That Other Flock series

If you haven’t experienced the other episodes in the That Other Flock series, you can find them in the Index. Our characters are connecting the dots episode to episode more than originally planned so you’ll wanna know what’s happened before. Thank you for reading!

His t-shirt made the ache worse. When I saw it, all I could think of was what Tommy would say.

Jared, the church’s the fill-in worship leader, wandered into the church kitchen following services. After Tommy’s memorial and me hitting him with a funeral wreath, I figured we’d only see him on stage during the Sunday big show. But the church’s regular worship leader was back from sabbatical and Jared wasn’t on stage.

Our crowd of six looked pretty rough under the kitchen’s harsh fluorescent lights and Jared fit right in. He hovered awkwardly in what had been Tommy’s spot at the table of donuts. He sported baggy brown jeans, a pair of worn out Hokas, and that t-shirt, plus his scruffy beard had grown past stylish.

Jared’s t-shirt was race swag from an LA marathon last year. It was clearly church-sponsored. In big purple letters it said, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” In smaller letters below: “LFG: Philippians 4:3”. I can’t decide if the apostle Paul would have high-fived or come out rage-swinging.

It had been a rough week. Tommy dying and his memorial hollowed me out. Too many memories of another funeral and that dark time. I’d started drinking again. You know, it’s the emotion medicine I know. I know. I know. I’m lying to myself, but that’s the way addiction and destruction works. Right? I guess finally found things I’m good at besides preaching: drinking and denial.

Speaking of destruction, Leon’s job loss, the shame from the sexual harassment accusation, and the general downward trajectory of his life had us worried about him.

After the memorial Thursday night, Betty and I had agreed to keep an eye on Leon. Eve had bristled a bit. She’s building a strong friendship with Leon. She was clear that Leon was in her good hands. He didn’t need Betty. Betty bristled in reaction to Eve’s bristling…so much bristling. Anyway, bruised feelings were ignored, and we’d agreed to all keep an eye on everyone, which probably meant no one was keeping an eye on anyone. We do put the fun in dysfunction.

Leon looked like he’d had a rough time. The bags under his eyes were bruise-blue. His cheeks and nose were a deep red from a wicked sunburn. Under his jaw was a crop of whiskers he’d missed shaving. Plus, just a whiff of sour, old-man sweat smell about him. He was the picture of failure, but he was upright…so he gets points from me for that. I know how tough that is.

Before we could deal with Leon, Toby, who’ll always be “Jelly” to me, spoke up. He shifted his vintage Grateful Dead t-shirt and said. “Exactly how do you think that works?” Toby pointed at Jared’s t-shirt with his donut. “Christ gave you the strength to run 26 miles? You didn’t have to train or practice or whatever.”

Jared looked down at his shirt like he was seeing it for the first time. “What? Yes, Jesus gave me strength. Got a PR. A Personal Record,” he air quoted personal record to help us follow along. “Ran a personal best, shaved 2 minutes and 43 seconds off my best time. I trained hard for it.” He caressed his Garmin runner’s watch like a talisman.

“Impressive.” Eve said. “I know Jesus was ecstatic with your PR.” Eve said this air quoting “PR” right back at Jared with a heaping scoop of the disdain. I’m so happy when she points her sarcasm cannon at someone who’s not me.

Jared flinched and looked around the group for an ally. Betty responded with her big smile and said, “Come on, Eve, let’s…” She faltered. “I’m sorry. I’ve forgotten your name.”

“Jared. I was the interim, fill-in worship leader.” He answered with a bob of his head.

“Jared, my brother in Christ,” Brian said, “What’s up? What are you doing down here?”

“After Tommy’s service, which was interesting, I was curious about who you are and what this is about. I talked to Garland, the head usher, he said I could join you. I didn’t understand what this was about. He explained why you’re down here and why you get the donuts. Who leads this group?”

Toby and Brian pointed at Betty. Eve and Leon pointed at me. Awkward glances were swapped. I said, “We don’t have a leader, we’re not a church group, we’re just here for the donuts. You’re welcome to as many donuts as you want.” I didn’t say, but there were 73 donuts this morning, which is a new record. I guess it’s a measure of how rattled I am that I’m back to counting items and using Captain Morgan to soothe my anxiety. I skipped giving the donut inventory out loud and said, “They’re leftovers and free. Take what you want.”

“Not the strawberry filled.” Toby said. “Those are reserved.” And quietly, almost to himself, he said, “His favorites.” Toby was grieving Tommy’s loss hard.

“Thanks,” Jared answered and grabbed a buttermilk cake donut. He did his best to disappear, which isn’t easy in a group of 7 people in a church kitchen, but he got as small as he could. And from what I’d seen of him on stage, that was hard for him. But he tried.

“Rest In Peace, Tommy,” Toby said as he held the donut to the ceiling, like an offering or something. He made his huge bite seem almost reverent. Then, turning to Leon, with a smear of jelly on his lip, he said. “And you, what happened to your face? You get some beach time? Forget your sunscreen?”

Leon touched his burned nose. “Yeah, not enough sunblock, wrong hat. I’m not used to so much sun time. Betty let me push a mower on her crew this weekend to make a little money.”

“Good for you. How was it?” Toby asked him.

“It was OK,” Leon answered, rubbing the stubble on his jaw. “I’m used to standing all the time at work, but I haven’t pushed a mower in a while. And never all day. I’ll get the hang of it.”

Betty didn’t look so certain.

Eve stepped close to Leon and said, “You can’t mow lawns for a living at your age. You need something indoors with benefits.”

“No jobs like that out there for someone like me,” Leon said. Turning to Jared, he said, “I’m glad God helped you run your happy marathon.” His voice was tight, choked with emotion. “But you know, some of us are dealing with bigger issues than running a marathon.”

“Preach it Leon,” Brian said. “You can quit a marathon. This life stuff, you don’t get to quit.”

“Not true. You can quit life.” Leon said this like he was telling us the price of a gallon of milk. Calm, factual…chilling.

“No one’s doing that,” Betty jumped in.

At about the same time, Eve said, “Leon’s gonna stick around.”

Leon had the look of a man deciding who to bet on in a prize fight.

Eve and Betty looked irritated at each other.

Toby said to Jared as he started his second strawberry filled (no reverent offering this time), “You didn’t really answer, little man. Why are you down here? You a spy or something?”

“Spy? No, what?” Jared answered. “No, I just asked the ushers about you guys. I don’t even work at the church anymore.”

“Dude, you get fired, too?” Toby asked with a glance at Leon. “Lot of that going on right now.”

“Not fired, I guess, just…well I took the interim job while Matthew was on sabbatical. I even moved here and everything because I thought I’d understood. They’d said that there’d be a role for me on staff. But there’s not. Don’t know what I’m going to do.” He was rubbing the hem of his t-shirt with his thumb as spoke.

Turning to Leon, he said, “You lost your job?”

Everyone tensed, but Leon just nodded.

Jared said, “I’m sorry, that’s tough. I’m kinda scared about what I’m going to do now. I don’t have a plan. I signed a lease on an apartment. There’s no way I can afford it, but the lease is tight.”

“Fucking Shiny People. You don’t know scared.” Brian said this through clenched teeth.

Jared reacted like Brian had slapped him…which in some ways he had.

“Easy Brian,” Leon said this with some kindness. “We all have our own fears. Can’t measure pain, can’t compare fear. Whatever is yours is the most important to you. Doesn’t matter about anyone else’s.”

That sat with all of us for a minute.

I couldn’t keep quiet. I said, “Jared, let’s be clear, turns out we’re all…” I looked around, trying to find the right words. “We’re all living on the edge one way or another. We understand fear. We understand living right at the margin. Turns out that’s one thing we all have in common.”

“Except Eve!” Toby said, starting his third donut. At some point, I’m going to keep track of how many donuts he can eat during our time down here. “Eve’s a star! She makes bank.”

Jared looked at her with a mixture of curiosity and…maybe envy.

Eve shook her head. “Past tense, big man. Past tense. I’m burning through my savings and no one wants to hire me after I quit my news job. Turns out my producer spread the word about how I’d killed the story and wasted all that time and money. Persona non grata…” She pronounced so easily and naturally that I could see her on-air talent. “I’m black balled and banned with everyone I’ve reached out to. I’m burning through my savings at a scary rate.”

“Savings…” Betty said this with a dreamy look. “Yeah, savings. What a concept.”

“Anyway,” I continued. “Jared, we’re probably not the best group for you to hang with. I doubt we have anything in common with you. You’d probably…”

“You’re Charles!” Jared interrupted me. He said it with the enthusiasm of a Wheel of Fortune contestant answering for the big prize. “The wreath…your wife’s funeral…that video…I didn’t put all of that together…I didn’t recognize you…” He gestured at my long hair, beard and work clothes.

“Charles?” Betty had the look of the Wheel contestant who guessed wrong.

“I go by Charlie now…not Charles. I’m not Charles anymore.” I said. “I decided not too long ago.” I had a sheepish look on my face, which turned into a grin. “You guys inspired me. You know, Betty, Tommy, Toby…” I didn’t say, “Jelly,” but thought it. “I thought I’d copy you. Charlie seemed to fit.”

Brian said, “I don’t get it.”

Before I could explain, Leon said to Jared, “What are you going to do? You moved here for a job? Who do you know here?”

“This was gonna be my big break,” Jared answered. “I banked everything on this. And they pulled the rug out from under me. I can’t even figure out what to pray for. I’ve never felt so hopeless.”

“Do you have a contract?” I asked him.

“Contract? He’s a worship leader. Don’t need no contract.” Brian dismissed the idea.

“No contract,” Jared confirmed with a shake of his head.

“Worship leaders have contracts?” Eve was engaged. That woman can smell a story and an angle.

“Sure.” I confirmed. “Worship leaders have contracts. Pastors, too. Some worship leaders have agents.”

“Shiiittt…” Brian said. “Get outa here. A contract. What’s a worship leader get paid?”

Jared started to answer, but I shut him down. The last thing we needed was a discussion of how mega church worship leaders get compensated. That’s a can of worms we don’t need on the table. “It varies greatly,” I said with a look at Jared that I hoped he understood as ‘shut up.’

Eve’s head snapped up, alert. “Wait a minute.” She said, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at Jared. “What did you say about Gerald? The usher guy?”

“Garland,” Jared corrected.

“Whoever,” Eve said. “What did you say about what he’d told you? What did he explain to you?”

Jared looked confused and then embarrassed. “I just asked him about your group.”

“No, you said something about the donuts and why we’re down here.” Eve stepped a little closer. Her voice was soft, but her intensity was on full blast. She was onto something and I was afraid I knew what it was. If this comes out, I’m not sure how this gang will react.

Before I could distract her, everyone’s attention was on them.

Jared stupidly answered, “Well, you know why they give you the donuts and let you have the kitchen. And help you move past the crowd before the service ends…” He looked at me for help, but he’d dug this hole and I wasn’t eager to jump in. He kept going, “Ah…to…err… get you out of the crowd…” He kept looking at me and I couldn’t figure out how to soften this.

I cleared my throat. I hate that. It’s so stereotypical, but I had dreaded this moment for weeks and my voice clenched. They’d really never thought about why the church would make our back row flock welcome by moving us out of the service as it was ending.

I gave Jared the “shut up,” look again, sighed to blow off some of my tension, and said, “I don’t know for sure. But I guess that someone considered us not the ideal crowd for most of the congregation to encounter at the end of services. Maybe my fault. I was really drunk one Sunday morning and I may have heckled a bit…under my breath. I think. It’s a blurry memory. Anyway. Sorry. That’s my guess.”

Jared nodded a sheepish confirmation and said, “You’re not exactly the target demographic.”

I’ve seen our group shocked into silence a few times. Add this moment to the list.

Toby froze mid-bite.

Eve’s eyes narrowed.

Betty dropped her napkin.

Leon shook his head…slowly and said, “Yeah, and we don’t look or smell like the people down front.”

Brian said, “Fucking Shiny People!”

Betty looked at me with her lips tight, eyes squinted. She said, “Really?” She looked around the kitchen like she was seeing it for the first time. Her hand twisted her thick gray pony tail. “We get this because they don’t want the…” she groped for a word. “The congregation to see us?”

“Don’t know for sure,” I said. “But think about it. During the last song, when they open the doors to the auditorium, the ushers always give us the signal to come down to the kitchen.”

Betty said, “But we’re not the only ones that aren’t…presentable. We’re not.”

“Agreed,” I said. “But we’re a group that’s right at the back of the auditorium. Everyone up front would see us as they leave. We were easy to maneuver out of the way. Plus, they lured us with the bags of free donuts to take home. Not everyone would be interested in leftovers. Right? I was glad to have the to-go donuts because I used them for a couple of meals.”

“Same,” Brian said. “But still…man this stings.” He muttered. “Shiny people.”

Toby looked around at us. Hitching up his sweatpants, he said. “It only stings if you let it. Hey, like his t-shirt says, ‘We can do all things…’” He paused, gesturing for Jared to join him.

Jared finished sheepishly with: “Through Christ who strengthens me.”

Toby added, “But there’s gotta be donuts!”

Our laughter was forced but also sorta healing.

What was truly healing for me was when as we trooped out. Leon put a sunburned hand on Jared’s shoulder. Leon leaned close and said to him, “It’ll be OK. Jesus will give you what you need, just like that race. And these people will help you. Come back next week.”

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Only two more episodes remaining in Season 1. Here’s the next one: Episode 14: “The 17 Deadly Sins”